


last train home

by heibai



Category: Produce 101 (TV), Wanna One (Band)
Genre: Friendship/Love, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, competition turned awry, guanlin loves daniel (sorry ong), jisung is the mom of the group
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-12
Updated: 2017-07-12
Packaged: 2018-12-01 04:00:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,400
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11478189
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heibai/pseuds/heibai
Summary: What he feared most was not the fact that he was stuck in a neck-and-neck competition with his best friend.It was the risk of losing said best friend to the competition.a.kaSeongwoo and Daniel are both in contention for a spot in the final lineup of a group. But only one can make it in.





	last train home

 

The dance studios should be deserted this early in a nice Sunday morning. But as expected, someone was already there, busy with his own warm-up even when Daniel made sure to tailor his morning routine so he could arrive to the building at 7 AM sharp.

 

“Did the caretaker finally relent and gave the keys to you?” His attempt at starting a light banter was answered with silence. Not that he could blame the oblivious dancer. He was too immersed in the music playing from his earbuds, with the volume set so loudly that anybody in a meter radius could’ve easily guessed the song playing from his phone. He didn’t notice someone had joined him in the room until Daniel gave his shoulder a playful push.

 

“Didn’t I tell you to stop playing music that loudly?” He did. He did tell Seongwoo numerous times about how it would ruin his ears and that it’ll make him go deaf by the time he turned 21. But the surprised grin that he had on his face, when Seongwoo ripped out his earbuds and swivelled around to give Daniel a smack on his arm, would always make his annoyance to instantly fade.

 

“You’re on time today,” Seongwoo did a skip-and-dash to corner of the room and plugged his phone to the stereo system. Feeling more confident to let the whole world hear his morning playlist now that another lover of 80s synth pop was there to back him up on his peculiar music taste.

 

“Aren’t I always.”

 

His false statement was answered with a loud scoff, and before long, they were both sitting against the mirrored wall, sharing their breakfast. A packet of sushi rolls that Daniel bought on his way, while some random song by Madonna played in the background.

 

“Can we have crepes tomorrow?” Seongwoo mumbled, his mouth full of half-chewed rice and fillings as he walked to the bin to tidy up after his meal, “we’ve been having sushi for like, five days in a row.”

 

“Well, why don’t you go and get it yourself?” Daniel knew what Seongwoo's answer would be. But he still loves to see the eyeroll and the annoyed sigh that would accompany his explanation.

 

“I’m just a highschool student. I don’t have any money.”

 

“What do you think I am then,” he managed to give Seongwoo a bit of a hair ruffle before he ran back to his phone and changed the song to the most cliched warming up song ever. It was like trying to catch a mosquito with his bare hands, or a fly.

 

But with the morning sun seeping from the thin curtain and hitting his bright face that was bobbing to the beat of ‘What a Feeling’, Daniel finally pinpointed on a type of flying insect that he would associate with Seongwoo. A firefly.

 

_ _ _ _ _

 

“You two are up for the spot in the group.”

 

Daniel always hate cramped space. He never thought of himself as a claustrophobic, just someone who values his freedom too much. But still, he hates enclosed spaces. Especially the dark, dingy, messy space that the company’s senior producers resided in. He wanted to ask them if they really do think that this is an ideal place to do their duties, but the fact that they were in the middle of a really important meeting quickly quelled that stray thought within his mind.

 

“Only one of you can get in.”

 

He was too occupied with trying to find where the annoying humming sound was coming from to notice the worried look Seongwoo was giving him.

 

“Only one?” He should’ve noticed that something was wrong when he heard the level of _fear_ in his voice. Seongwoo was not one to succumb to pressure, he was not one to let any sense of unease show on his demeanor. But for some reason, Daniel could not process this situation in the same light as his friend’s.

 

 _‘They were just bluffing,’_ he would from then on chuckle as he reassured a very high-strung Seongwoo, _‘we’ll both make it.’_

 

“Yes.”

 

Only then did Daniel finally caught Seongwoo's gaze, and to his frown he gave him a smile. A soft pat on the back of his hand. And the smile slowly grew into an excited grin.

 

It was then that the seed of frustration started to grow on Seongwoo's heart. However heard he tried to stop it from sprouting, it’ll eventually grew into a sapling. Then a tree. Then a forest.

 

But until then, he would swallow his worry and smile back to Daniel.

 

“It’s going to be fun.”

 

_ _ _ _ _

 

Their first walk home after the meeting was enveloped in a slightly awkward atmosphere. Two people consumed with their own thoughts walking down the deserted slope of a back alley. The flickers of a dying streetlamp and faint buzzing of cars from the nearby highway the only sound floating in the air.

 

They met the rest of the group earlier. The _‘ prototype’_ , as the producer called it. They met the group which means they met their _friends_ , all grins and hugs and excited chatter of how they couldn’t believe it’s really going to happen so soon. It was so obvious that they were trying to hide the unease in their voice when addressing the fact that only six of them are going to make it, when there were seven of them in the room. They avoided both Seongwoo and Daniel’s eyes as if they were afraid the act of exchanging knowing glances will cause the curse to suddenly switch host to _them_.

 

“Are you excited?” Daniel tried to sound energetic over the muffle of his thick scarf. He almost repeated it again when he heard no response coming from Seongwoo, but it came just when he was about to open his mouth for the second time.

 

“Yeah.”

 

_“Hyung I hope you’ll make it.” Guanlin whispered to him when they hugged and he wondered if he said the same thing to Seongwoo._

 

He coughed out his next words together with the itchiness of his throat, “choreography day tomorrow. Ready?”

 

In his earlier excitement he completely missed the gloom emanating from Seongwoo. But now that there was nothing between them to hide the inevitable, Daniel was starting to worry. Not about his place in the group, or if he’ll make it, or if Seongwoo'll make it. He started to worry that Seongwoo was mad at him for ignoring his concerns, whatever that was.

 

And it must’ve been palpable in his voice because the next thing he knew was Seongwoo giving his arm a punch and challenging him for a race to the train station.

 

With Seongwoo's laughter ringing freely in the night air, Daniel decided that it was not a problem he should worry about, yet. At least not tonight.

 

_Guanlin hugged him and gave him a wide smile. Seongwoo wondered if he also said nothing when he went on to hug Daniel._

 

_ _ _ _ _

 

Probably it was the stress, or it was the scrutinizing eyes following every single tick of his moves, but in regards of his dancing, that day was definitely not the best for Daniel.

 

He was so physically and mentally done after being yelled at constantly for three hours straight that he immediately bolted to the toilet once they were dismissed. And that didn’t count the sense of guilt deep within his stomach, boiling so fervently he could almost taste it as the bile rose up through his throat. He was keeping everyone behind. He was wasting everyone’s time.

 

What a disgrace.

 

“Dan?” He heard Seongwoo knocking on the toilet door and he couldn’t help but let out a stifled chuckle for the absurdity of it all. Knocking on the door of a communal toilet. How unnecessary. “Hey, are you okay?”

 

His head peeked from the tiny gap he made. Only his unruly hair and half of his flushed face made an appearance before Daniel smiled and gestured for him to come in.

 

He didn’t notice how hard he was grabbing the edge of the porcelain wash basin until he felt Seongwoo's hand on his back, pushing him down while giving his shoulders a painfully firm squeeze that left him half laughing and half groaning as he tried to swat Seongwoo away from him.

 

“Don’t get it in your head man,” he said once the air has settled back down to a calm, “I know you’re better than that.”

 

Daniel was thankful that he was facing the walls when he said that, because he didn’t want to hear all the teasings that would surely come if Seongwoo saw him got teary eyed. “Yeah. I was just… a bit out of it.”

 

By pretending to wipe out the remaining moisture still on his face after his earlier quick face wash, Daniel managed to fool Seongwoo into thinking that everything was alright and in the places they’re supposed to be (and that includes his emotions), “are the kids still up for extra practice?”

 

“Of course.”

 

He should’ve known, from his knowing smile, that Seongwoo _knew_. That probably not everything is in place. And it’s okay to feel that way. But Daniel decided to look over the fact and gestured for them to go back to the practice room so they could finish learning the choreography as soon as possible. And in extent, redeem himself from his earlier blunder as soon as possible.

 

_ _ _ _ _

 

It’s been almost a month going into the ‘trial run’ and Daniel had done everything. Or at least he thought he has. Singing, rapping, dancing, modelling. Everything. But all in the form of trials. All just a taste of what he could’ve gotten if he made it. IF.

 

By the end of it they’ll have two versions of the group, he was sure. One with him, and one with Seongwoo. And then they will sit down, and choose.

 

_Holy shit it’s nerve wracking._

 

It was a Wednesday night and the two of them didn’t notice that they’d missed their last train as they were so engrossed in their dancing. Typical. It’ll always happen at least twice a month, and even more so during this time of uncertainties.

 

It happened so often that Seongwoo has unofficially moved in with Daniel in his one roomed apartment, as his place was the one they could reach by foot, located only one train stop away from their company’s building. The unforeseen human addition made it even more cramped than it was before, what with the large cardboard box filled with Seongwoo's sleeping attires and socks and school uniforms and textbooks and whatnot.

 

He couldn’t really protest though. Because during the nights when you were so, so _tired_ that sleep doesn’t seem to be a viable option, having a company in the long silence was preferable. Even better was when they would talk about something, anything, until one of them abandoned the conversation when sleep took them away. Or marathon a tv series together until they both fell asleep on the couch, head leaning on each other’s shoulder.

 

But the latter two happened less and less as they both went into this journey. Only silence now. Silence on the walk there, silence when they would cook a midnight snack and eat on separate places (Seongwoo on the sofa and Daniel on the kitchen island, always), and silence as they waited to see who would gave up and succumb to sleep first.

 

A company is always better than nothing in Daniel’s book. But this was getting a bit too much, even for him.

 

“What do you think will happen?” He knew Seongwoo was still awake because he could see the glow of his phone coming from the floor at the end of his bed. Sometimes, when they were too lazy to unroll the small mattress, Seongwoo would just shrug and snuggle onto Daniel’s bed, stealing all his blanket come three in the morning. But as his visits have gone up in frequency, they’d decided to leave the mattress unrolled on the floor permanently. For convenience’s sake.

 

And also, because he couldn’t stand it having to pretend as if he was sleeping, facing the walls in silence while Seongwoo clacked away on his phone. Chatting with someone till very late. Probably with Woojin, most likely with Woojin. Or Jaehwan. Or Minhyun. He couldn’t possibly know.

 

He heard the plop of his phone falling against the blanket, and then a long sigh. Daniel was okay if Seongwoo didn’t want to answer his question. He just hoped that he would hear the sincerity of his voice and not find any ill intentions within it.

 

“I don’t know.”

 

Silence. Not even the buzz of his small heater could save them from that.

 

“We’ll make it. I know we will.” What else could happen? They were both _stellar_ in everything that they threw them to. How could the higher ups not see the potential and say _‘hey, maybe we should just include the two of them to the group.’_

 

Daniel saw that as a viable option for their future. A very likely one too.

 

But Seongwoo saw that as just nothing but wishful thinking. If they said only one will make it, then only one will make it.

 

“Daniel?”

 

“Yeah?”

 

He should’ve known something strange was happening because Seongwoo never called him by his full name. _What a mouthful,_ he always say. But Daniel decided to look over that fact and just silently nod to the request that came next.

 

“I won’t be staying here tomorrow. My brother agreed to come and get me after his shift. Is that okay?”

 

He didn’t care that Seongwoo couldn’t see his answer. It was enough, his silence was a clear enough answer for them.

 

_ _ _ _ _

 

Daniel finally figured out what was truly bothering him during all this _‘in contention’_ period. That constant, low undercurrent of dread that would sometimes rise and give him a very awful sensation of phantom nausea. It was not due to the stress that came with being in a neck-to-neck competition with your best friend.

 

It’s the risk of losing said best friend to the competition.

 

Seongwoo is a _very_ competitive person and you don’t even need to know him well to know that. Just look at that fire burning within his eyes and you could easily tell that he’ll do anything to get what he wants.

 

And for him, at that very moment, he wanted that spot. He wanted that spot in the group _so badly_.

 

“Only ONE of us is going to make it in! _Why is it so hard to wrap your head around that?!”_

 

Daniel only wanted to give him a bottle of sweet tea when he saw that Seongwoo skipped his lunch to clean up his move at the studio. In exchange to that, he just wanted to see Seongwoo probably, hopefully show him that smile he so missed. But what he got was a raised voice and a frustrated scowl.

 

The sapling in Seongwoo's heart had grown into a tree earlier that day, when the vocal coach praised Daniel with how much he’d improved in such a short time. And now the tree was threatening to multiply when he saw Daniel walking into the practice room, bright faced and carefree and _confident._

 

“You want it that much, huh?”

 

 _Yes,_ yes he does.

 

Daniel said nothing as he turned away from the practice room. He threw the bottle of tea on the chairs at the back, not as hard as he would’ve liked because even if he was _upset_ at Seongwoo, the fact that he was still his _friend_ stopped him from hurling it across the room.

 

The bottle was still there when he came back to the room the next day. Untouched.

 

_ _ _ _ _

 

It wasn’t supposed to happen until maybe around two, three weeks later. The announcement, that is.

 

Ever since his outburst early this month, Daniel had struggled to maintain his distance with Seongwoo. Oftentimes catching himself greeting Seongwoo in the morning, expecting him to swivel around and give him a hug, or a friendly shove, or anything, anything but that little smile he’ll give.

 

They were supposed to worth so much more than just a civilised smile.

 

“Are you two okay?” Jisung would ask him time and time again during lunch. The last thing Daniel wanted was to gather unwanted attention on the rift between him and Seongwoo. But it was so hard to hide when before they were like two peas in a pod, going everywhere together. Nowadays, only Daniel could be seen taking a break in the company’s pantry.

 

He missed the fresh air that he could get if he ever braved himself to go to the rooftop lounge, but he just couldn’t make himself take their favourite place out of Seongwoo's hand.

 

_Little did he know that Seongwoo also wished that he could go to the rooftop. The only thing stopping him was the fear that he’ll have to face Daniel once he was there._

 

Daniel wanted to say _‘not really’_ , but he knew Jisung _knew_ what he meant with just a quick flash of his forced smile. Besides, he couldn’t really say it even if he _really_ wanted to. He didn’t want to admit it.

 

If he was really pressed for an answer, he’d probably say “we’re okay.” Because denial is still such a strong force in his life.

 

It was then very awkward for them to sit next to each other on the cramped office. Dark. Suffocating.

 

Daniel didn’t know what made him grab the hand rest of his chair so hard his nails were leaving indents on the foam. He should not be nervous, he knew what their answer was going to be. He already knew who they’ll choose, even if it was just a product of his instinctive hunch.

 

_“I can see the future.” He jokingly said to Seongwoo on the day they met. Even without knowing each other, they did not find themselves stuck in an awkward, mismatched conversation. So the random statement caught Seongwoo by surprise._

 

_“Really? Then tell me what my future will be.”_

 

_“You’ll be a damn big star.”_

 

He took a quick glance at Seongwoo and had to stop himself from jumping out of the seat when he met his gaze.

 

 _He_ was nervous. Seongwoo went around telling people _‘I know I’m good so you too should know that you’re better than this’_ but Daniel could see past all that. _This_ is his real self. Riddled with worry and fear that he was not good enough.

 

Daniel wanted to offer his hand for him to hold, after he noticed that he too was impulsively scratching the ripped bits off from the knees of his jeans. But he didn’t get any chance to do so, as the senior producer finally sat down on the chair in front of them and coughed out the start of their meeting.

 

“You two have done a really great job this past two months,” he looked almost as if he was hiding a sense of guilt by ruffling through the folder in his hand, trying to stretch the inevitable. “But we’ve made our decision.”

 

The next few events happened so quickly one after the other that Daniel just went through them with the sound of his heart, the growling of his guts.

 

A name was called, a congratulatory handshake was ignored, Seongwoo jumped up from his seat and slammed the door of the office. Daniel stared at the person in charge with the word _‘thankyou’_ and _‘I’m sorry’_ jumbled on his tongue before he followed Seongwoo's path. The kids, who were huddled in front of the office stared at him with confused frown on their faces as they simultaneously pointed at the fire exit when Daniel asked, “where did he go?”

 

“Hyung, what happened?”

 

“Who got it?”

 

“Was it you?”

 

Questions of similar kinds started to swarm him and Daniel almost felt sorry that he ignored them all. His guts were telling him one thing and as his brain was still too scrambled from the speed that his surroundings were moving, he could only listen to that.

 

_Go to Seongwoo. Go to Seongwoo. Go to Seongwoo._

 

_ _ _ _ _

 

It’s been almost two weeks since he saw the rooftop lounge and the place was wrecked. Usually, that would mean a thirty minute lecture on how to _‘tidy up after yourself’_ delivered in tandem between Seongwoo and Daniel, to the sheepishly guilty duo, Woojin and Guanlin.

 

No time for that, though. Daniel almost ignored the flurry of beanbags and decorative pillows and instantly zoned in on Seongwoo, pacing around with his thumb jammed in between his lips. A perfect sight of distress if one should describe it.

 

“No. No, no, no,” Seongwoo started to let out a defeated mutter when he noticed that he got an unwanted visitor from his peripheral vision. The last person he’d like to see, even.

 

But Daniel ignored that, of course. He kept on walking towards him. At first slow, as he was uncertain if Seongwoo would just run away past him and back into the fire exit, or he would throw the nearby potted succulent on his face. From how red his face was flushing, the second option seemed to be the closer bet.

 

It was thus a surprise for Daniel to see him suddenly stop dead on his track, his back facing him, propped his head up with both of his open palm while his shoulders were shaking feverishly.

 

The sight went past the level of confusion and entered straight into the realm of fear. It scared him terribly to see Seongwoo cry. Especially when he was crying as intensely as he was doing right then.

 

So he too was petrified on the spot. Asking to himself, _‘what should I do now?’_

 

He couldn’t bring himself to move forward, and he sure as hell knew that he couldn’t turn away and make his way down the fire exit. That would be the decision that ends everything. And he’d made a promise to himself, that no matter what happened that day, he won’t end it by having one less friend in his life.

 

“Seongwoo?” Once the sobs turned to sniffles, and the sniffles turned to a long, resigned sigh, Daniel finally decided that it was the right time to once again try. His mouth had started to form the letter that’d start the next word he wanted to say to him, but then he stopped himself.

 

_No. That wouldn’t be right._

 

In silence he walked, step by step. Slowly, giving Seongwoo all the time in this world to brace himself for what he should know was coming.

 

A hand on his shoulder. Then a sharp tug. Then a hug.

 

It was then, with Seongwoo's chin digging sharply into his neck which spares him the embarrassment of getting caught crying when he didn’t want to, that Daniel found it appropriate for him to whisper the word he wished to say earlier.

 

“Congratulations.”

 

He could feel Seongwoo's nails digging into the folds of his shirt when he heard those words, just like what he did to his jeans earlier. Pulling Daniel closer into his firm clutch, as if he was trying to pay his debt from these past few weeks.

 

“Dan I’m...” The way his chin moved against his neck caused Daniel to involuntarily let out a smile. But that was okay, he figured, the smile opened up the door for a genuine laughter and he knew they needed to hear that, “I’m sorry.”

 

The way he said _‘it’s fine’_ was through also tightening his hold over Seongwoo. _It’s fine, it’s totally fine._

 

He might’ve let a few tears roll down his cheeks, but Daniel didn’t think it was something that needs to be addressed to Seongwoo. He still felt it nevertheless, the droplets of water felt cold against his skin, which was what he truly needed.

 

The forest on his heart has just burned down to ashes in a matter of minutes. Seconds, even. For a moment he was afraid that the fire would consume him in the worst way possible. But then he heard his name being called by that familiar voice and it was tamed. The smoke still suffocated him but he could feel that it was tamed. _Let the pain linger, that’s okay. It’s a testament for my stupidity. But please. Please don’t let it burn out my heart._

 

Seongwoo would’ve fully understand if Daniel didn’t come and pick him up here, at _their_ spot. Even he felt guilty with the mere thought of expecting Daniel to come to him. After all that he’d done to him for the past month, this hug was much more than he ever deserved.

 

“Dan?”

 

“Hm?”

 

Talking while being locked in this tight of a hug should not feel this comfortable. But it was, and there was no sign from each of them that they were willing to let go anytime soon. And so they let it be. At least for now. At least until they needed to go and return once more to face the rest of the world.

 

“Will you be there when I… when I meet the kids?”

 

“Yes.”

 

Of course his answer will be yes. He needed to see the rest of the boys. He needed to make sure they were okay with the decision. He needed to let Jisung know that he would be okay.

 

_“As long as I still have my two legs to dance, I will always be okay.” It was his default answer when Jisung attempted to baby him if Guanlin was nowhere to be found. To that, Jisung would roll his eyes and exasperatedly sigh, “you’re unbelievable.”_

 

“Seongwoo?”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Let’s miss the last train tonight.”

 

_And don’t let your brother pick you up after he finished his shift._

 

Seongwoo answered in a silent nod. Once again, the movement of his chin gave a slight tickle, which he knew will always lead to a smile, which will then be followed by a small laughter.

 

It didn’t matter to Daniel that Seongwoo didn’t give him an audible _‘yes’_. It was enough, their shared laughter was a clear enough answer for them.

 

**Author's Note:**

> I've referred to Seongwoo as Ong this whole entire time that I found it weird to write him as 'Seongwoo'.


End file.
